In Honor of 9-11 – “Why do they hate us?”

In Honor of 9-11 – “Why do they hate us?”


In the immediate wake of the 9-11 attacks, there was a long pause as millions of Americans seemed to cry out these exact same words,

“Why do they hate us?”

Let’s remember that cry today and ponder all the reasons why millions of people around the world might hate us, and why a selected few, who were hanging out on the other side of the world living in a pile of rocks and sand huts, hated little ol’ unsuspecting us so bad that they so smartly orchestrated the deadliest military attack on American soil ever.


After 20 years of pondering this question, and after many years of learning and life and so on, I now think I’m pretty sure I’ve figured out why they hate us…

…and to be blunt…………………..they hate us because we’re assholes.



Yes, folks, Americans are assholes….

…all of us.




Now, usually, I don’t mind being called an asshole, nor do I mind sometimes actually having to be one once in a while.

Because, sometimes, it takes an asshole to get things done in this world….and that’s just the unfortunate truth.


Okay, who’s an American asshole?

 

At the time of 9-11, I mean, I was just approaching 30 years old and still pretty unwoke to the realities of Earthian things, so I was one of those who, frankly, didn’t fucking care why they hated us, I just wanted to go kick some raghead ass!

YEAH!! …AMERICA!


And here we are today………………or was that, like, a year and a half ago? *scratching head*



The real reason why Americans are all assholes is because our News forces us into daily rage-fits with their Spin, which compels us to scream at each other and call each other names like a bunch of bratty 12 year olds in the line at Walmart, panic-buying toilet paper.

American Polical Tribal Monkeys be like MY TOILET PAPER! MY TOILET PAPER!! MY TOILET PAPER!!



Okay, I know what you’re thinking, it’s not like the rest of the world isn’t filled with assholes as well, right? I mean, assholing IS sort of more of a Human quality, rather than just an American one, right?

… however the reason why American assholes are BY FAR the WORST kind of assholes, is because we’re not JUST assholes…

…we’re UNGRATEFUL assholes.

Just look at all these ridiculously ungrateful, privileged little daddy’s princesses
out there assholing as only Americans can.




You could ask anyone else in the world, or just someone locally to you who is an immigrant (legal or whatever *sigh*), or a 1st generation American, and they will ALL tell you….

….Americans are ungrateful….

………all of us.

We have ALL this wealth….sure, most people have worked hard for it …some less hard…….but, dude, just look at us already…

WE’RE FREAKIN LOADED!

It has always made me laugh when I hear those (you know who you are) who run around screaming their heads off about so-called “corporate greed”, or how it’s only the “other guy” who’s greedy (never them, though), and I’ll take to asking them if they have access to a warm shower every day.  That usually stops them in their tracks because this is one that they can’t get out of lol ….silence ensues….and so I’ll usually decide to break the silence and say “my friend, if you have access to a warm shower every day, then you are one of the most wealthiest persons who has ever lived…….and I bet that you STILL want more, eh?” 

THAT’S greed, folks. 

Those people running around (you know who you are) screaming about how the “other guy”, (but never them) is greedy, you are all bona fide UNGRATEFUL AMERICAN ASSHOLES!

The TRUTH is, though, that we’re ALL greedy………..so buck up, pilgrim, and take responsibility for it!

I remember the moment when it hit me that the idea of “the American Dream” was complete nonsense. It’s the idea that if we “work hard” that “in America” we can reach “all of our dreams in life”.

This hit me in a moment when, as I was GREEDILY working hard on my dream, about 15 years ago while working in the Public Schools, someone else took offense to it and tried to literally destroy my life and everything I’d worked hard for….

…so much for MY (American) dreams, right?

THAT’S when I learned that if I wanted to reach my American dreams in life that I needed to kick a mug’s ass once in a while…and be an asshole.


As much as my brain is wanting to bend this post to a discussion about what Power is…and the lack of it… I’ll leave that one for another post and get back to the point here…. because SOMETIMES, ya just gotta be a goddamned asshole to people….and in a lot of those times, the reason is really just so that they’ll leave you the hell alone.  


So, in closing, to all you T-shirt wearers, you bird-flipping movement marchers, you sign holders, you truck ralliers, you statue defacers, and you flag wavers out there…this is me being an asshole to you.


WILL YOU JUST, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, SHUT…THE…HELL…UP!

QUIT YOUR WHINING!

PACK UP YOUR SHIT!

AND GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY!

I don’t want to join your gang of NEWS ADDICTED, gamed up, arm band wearing, freeway blocking, goosestep marching, arm in arm dancing, sloganized nonsense screeching, zombie music singing, easily triggered BAND OF RIDICULOUS POLITICAL TRIBAL MONKEYS!


YOU PEOPLE are the PROBLEM with AMERICA!

And you FUCKING IDIOTS…it’s YOU who are making ALL THE REST OF US SUFFER!


And, so, NOW ….if you want to know why they hate us.


…it’s because they don’t want US (U.S.) to bring THIS SHIT to THEIR lives!

Because it just plain sucks.





Oops, did I hurt your feelings?


CRY me a river with all your HURT FEELINGS….and grow up….you are acting like a BRAT!

…a toilet paper panic buying American BRAT


Start acting like a proper adult….a LEADER OF THE WORLD….

….and a GOOD American.




– Your Friendly Neighborhood Science Teacher

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